I'm all Alone
by katorse
Summary: Every time that thought crosses my mind, I can feel emptiness fill my body and I instantly felt cold. I could not even feel the hotness from the fire, all I could feel is the coldness attacking every piece of me - even my heart of stone. DHr
1. Blood

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling. The plot is mine, though.

**Summary: **It is the basis of how you are going to be treated in this world, it's the lineage of where I was and where I'm going to be after. Blood is not only the source of life but also the cause of _death_ – death of _certain_ individuals. In my case, it _is_.****

**Author's Note: **I'm sorry this is all jumbled up… I can't even understand what I wrote. As of now, it is 'Untitled', I really don't have any idea of what title to put. To all my readers, please visit my site Flourish and Blotts and don't forget to review…****

**Untitled**

by katorse

_Chapter One: Blood_

Why do I need to pretend? Why do I need to act and feel stupid all the time? I know the pain shows but, do I really need to show them how strong I am and how I'd be able to survive this misery I'm in, though I know and she knows that I'm certainly not the person they see as me?

The wind is blowing freely again, just as it is every night I go outside to free my mind from thoughts of her – thoughts that keep haunting me deep within my soul.

I start to walk down the path I usually go to, whenever I have problems. Problems about family, school, companions, friends and even enemies, but most of all, blood.

Stupid blood.

You see, all of the other stuffs mentioned can be solved but the last one can't.

Blood.

In my own definition, blood is the red fluid circulating in my arteries and veins, the one giving my every organ its oxygen supply.

But with my family it's different.

For them, it is the basis of how you are going to be treated in this world, it's the lineage of where I was and where I'm going to be after. Blood, for them and only them, is not only the source of life but also the cause of _death_ – death of _certain_ individuals.

In my case, it _is_.

For years now, I still haven't found the right answers to my questions – questions of my childhood up to my adolescence. Most of which, are about this _stupid_ blood I have.

Ha! Pureblood. _Stupid Pureblood_.

Is there such a thing as to how pure your blood is? Or how dirty it is? That's no big deal, that's _still_ blood anyway, pure or not.

I, along with my family, may be called Purebloods but the thing is, how pure is that blood, anyway? Pure as oppose to defiled, foul, corrupt, sullied or wicked? Or to _agree_ with all of it?

But as to what I know and feel, our family is not even close to being pure at all. Pure to what we think as innocent? Sincere? Guiltless?

_Certainly not_.

I've lived my life with all the money, pride and fame. That's what I've been brought up to – to be superior to everyone.

And that's what I did.

But that _never_ satisfied me. Not even one bit. It never _did_ touch me in any way. In any way I so want it to.

Money, lust, pride, fame… All of these are signs of greediness, selfishness and materialism of all the people…

Including myself.

And to realize that I even detest my parents for what they did to me makes me look and feel worse… _even_ worse than my odious parents.


	2. Tears

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling. The plot is mine, though.

**Summary: **Every time that thought crosses my mind, I can feel emptiness fill my body and I instantly felt cold. I could not even feel the hotness from the fire; all I could feel is the coldness attacking every piece of me - even my heart of stone.****

**Author's Note:** I want to thank Friday and Catmint…Thanks for your reviews…

**I'm all Alone**  
by _katorse  
  
Chapter Two: Tears  
  
_Sitting blankly in my room, I, once again, was in a trance. I am always like this for weeks now. I am losing my ground and I don't know where to put these feelings. I've never felt this mad before, so crazy that I just want to scream out loud... But I know I can't.  
  
It just started the day I realized that excruciating thought. Every time that thought crosses my mind, I can feel emptiness fill my body. I could feel all my blood rushing and I instantly felt cold. I could not even feel the hotness radiated by the fire burning across me. All I could feel is the coldness attacking every piece of me -- even my heart of stone.  
  
I shiver once again, now with almost a different reason. Not because of the coldness flowing in my nerves, but the warmth of the substance freely falling down my cheek.  
  
I don't even know where it came from but I just realized that out of all the pain I've gone through, I still know how to cry. I can't even remember the last time I ever cried my heart out.

But I know _I_ did.  
  
Maybe out of depression, that tear _voluntarily_ fell out of my eye, or maybe, just because of tiredness. I don't know. Maybe out of a thousand reasons, I still wouldn't comprehend. And if ever there's a possibility that I would have known the reason, I'll just not bother to know why that tear ever did come out of my eye.  
  
I'm tired. I haven't slept for nights now – three consecutive nights to be exact. And it's fairly obvious, my skin is even paler than what it used to be, and I think, it would never be at its normal state again.  
  
I breathe deeply, filling my lungs as much air as possible, hoping that by the time I exhale, all the load I'm carrying will be flown out of my system and into the dark vast sky above me.   
  
Again, another tear fell. But now it is _my_ decision to let it go. But I never realized that letting it go would only give me another tear to fall.  
  
Unfortunately, I did.   
  
And by the time I found out, I don't have the power to control it – to stop it from falling.


	3. Numb

**I'm all Alone**

by _katorse_

_Chapter Three: Numb_

As I woke up the next morning, sunlight beamed down my window which was reflected towards me, I slightly opened my now bulged eyes as if afraid that I would lose my sight because of the strong rays coming from the mighty sun.

Finally adjusted with the powerful light coming from my window, I completely opened my eyes, pulled out the sheets covering my delicate body and began to sit with my back against the wall.

As I rested my head against the sturdy foundation standing behind my back, I slowly closed my eyes and sighed deeply remembering fully the almost perfect figure of her body in front of me. Thinking of every small details on her face, recalling the bushy-brown hair she always had, the sweet lovely smile on her soft lips and the ever so innocent look on her striking brown eyes, I slowly cringed at the thought of the apathy we had shared for the past seven years now.

Different kinds of thought immediately invaded my head, filling my mind of guilt I should have felt eons ago. It may sound a bit exaggerated but to tell you honestly it's eating every piece of me… little by little, every day. I don't know. Maybe this is the reason why I can't eventually sleep at night.

I was really lucky that I was able to have a sleep last night. The tears drowned me to sleep, I guess. Those tears helped me, maybe not that much but it did. It helped me release all the tension building up in me.

I sighed again, feeling the heavy pressure on my chest. I sighed once more looking at the cloud of breath that came out of my mouth. I never realized that it's already snowing outside, which is an obvious sign of the coming of Christmas.

Christmas.

I can still remember the last occasion in which I was able to dance with her. She was very happy that night, dancing with her friends, talking and chatting of nothing in particular, gazing around the excellent enchantments floating around us, and looking at the dark vast sky seen from the enchanted ceiling.

She was perfect to my sight. She wore a white flowing gown made of something soft. I really don't know what kind of cloth it was, all I know is she's beautiful in it. She wore her hair like she always did, though it's still bushy you could sense how soft it is to touch it. You could also see the flush of pink on her cheeks, and her lips how I long to touch it with mine. I know she definitely won't allow me to, but how I wish she will.

Looking at her made me feel eternity.

I stood form where I was seated and made slow steps towards her. As I was approaching the girl that made my heart beat thrice its speed, I can feel that there's this visible smile forming on my face, though small it'll definitely show the true feelings I possess.

But it is just a past now, a very beautiful past. I'll give away all my treasure and give up my fame just to feel that feeling again. I nearly forgot how it feels to be in love -- though not to the extent of being loved back but having the one you love in your arms.

Having her in my arms is fairly enough.

I'll definitely trade all my money just to have her with me but having her and making her feel imprison is not worth the price. I'd rather set her free than have her despising me.

It was really dumb of me to do that actually, and I still don't know why I did. Maybe it's because of the knowledge that she would never really like me or maybe just because I would not want to get rejected at all. You see both of these reasons mean one thing. And I admit it, she'll never like me.

But opposed to what I expected, she did.

She did, but not like what I wanted her to. She accepted me as her friend, as a person who needed someone so badly.

Someone who needed her so badly.

And that someone was me.

I know that she knew what I felt for her. But she never showed it. She just got on with her day not thinking that I might do something just to get her in my hands.

In my bloody hands.

You see, she just ignored the fact that there's someone out there hurt and there's someone out there waiting for her attention. Waiting to be loved. I made her feel it but she never showed any affection even just a sign of pity.

Is it her way of showing how hurt she was? A way of bouncing back the pain I did to them back then?

God, I already had the same share of pain in here. In this heart of mine.

But why do I have to suffer more than what is destined for me? Doesn't she know that it's painful for me too? Doesn't she know that I didn't want to do it in the first place?

Hermione, I just needed your attention. Your God damn attention!

But what do I get?

Just a plain friend, that was all I can be to her. A plain nasty friend.

And that's the only purpose why I ever walked and stood on this earth --

Just to be her friend...


End file.
